Leandra's Journal: The Relationship Business

I work with a lot of couples wanting to enhance their experience of intimacy and sexuality. For some, the children are out of the house and they wish to renew their relationship after completing the offspring raising phase. For others, the aim is to start off ?right? by setting standards for their love life from the outset of their relationship. For many couples however, it is the fact that they are experiencing sexual difficulties of some sort and their intention is to find a way of getting beyond these difficulties.

The difficulties can be very varied and no matter what they are, these difficulties impact the emotional and spiritual aspects of the relationship severely. More often than we like to accept, the problem is that one partner wants more sex than the other, usually the male with the female being less interested. Sometimes it is the other way around. I have had wives sending their husbands to me with the request to do something about their libido. and more and more I am seeing male clients whose Urologists, after all the medical options have been tried out without the hoped for results, have suggested they see me.
Whatever the case, I would like to share with you three simple suggestions that I give all these couples. Often, when put into practice, these simple ideas work wonders and intimacy begins to flow anew in the relationship.

The principal is very simple: the practical side of living relationships is completely different to the original love affair. So here are my suggestions:
- hold weekly Relationship Business board meetings
- create a sacred space for intimacy and bonding (I like to call this Relationship Yoga)
- hold weekly Relationship Yoga practice meetings

Weekly Relationship Business Board Meetings
All relationships require decision making. In most marriages and long relationships, important decisions are taken at all times of the day when couples are together: at the dinner table, in the bathroom, the kitchen and even in bed. Arguments often arise or one partner getting into a bad mood. Often one partner is not ready to discuss whether or not to visit the parents for Christmas or to buy a house or where to go on holiday. No business is run like this; there are agendas and meetings that take place for this purpose. One of the reasons for friction in long term relationships is that we run our relationship totally disorganised and pretty chaotic!

See the running of your relationship as a business and have a weekly board meeting to discuss subjects on which important decisions are to be made. If your decisions include the children, they too can be invited to a board meeting. This way you clear up the space and relationship energy for living, enjoying etc instead of using it up for planning and organizing.

My suggestion is to set a regular time every week for your Relationship Business Board Meeting and stick to that time. You can have a counter book in the kitchen for jotting down themes and topics for discussion and you start your meeting by setting an agenda. If you can?t agree on a topic, listen to the arguments and take the decision over to the next meeting. This will give you time to ponder over it. If you require extra meetings, they can be set up but arrange an extra meeting together with your partner. If you are experiencing a lot of organizational and decisional difficulties, have two or even three board meetings a week for a while. But take the discussing out of the time when you are supposed to be enjoying each other?s company or when you are spending time with the children.

If you stick to this, you will find that a lot of daily tension is avoided and you also don?t draw the children into the business energy of your relationship.

Create a sacred space for intimacy and bonding
Many tanrikers do not use their bed time in the evenings as a time for making love. The bedroom is a place for going to sleeping; the energy, the atmosphere of the bedroom, is often not conducive to intimacy as it holds every day accessories. And usually one is tired by the time you go to bed. Creating a sacred space gives you a space for sharing intimacy apart from the bedroom. If possible, this should be a separate room which is especially decorated as a room for Relationship Yoga as I like to call it, a room for tantric bonding and intimacy rituals giving sexuality the special place it should have in our lives.

This room is sometimes called the Tantra Temple and sometimes simply, the Sacred Room. Ideally, the room should have a double or queen size futon mattress on the floor or on a low wooden frame. Futons are great as they have the hardness required in order to move around without wobbling or bouncing too much. It should be in the middle of the room so that you are able to move on and off it all around. Many tantric rituals begin with sitting opposite each other. There is some lovely rituals to be done sitting at the head or the feet of your partner (foot washing ceremony or foot and head massages for example).
You can have a cushion at the foot end as well as the head end for this purpose.

Choose linen that you really like. I prefer white but you may like a color. If you are going to use oils, please see that you have a waterproof sheet on the mattress to protect it. You can create an eastern look if you like this, or use any other deco that will enhance your intimacy. Soft lighting and gentle music should also be available.

If you do not have an extra room you can turn your bedroom into a Sacred Place. Take some time before your intimacy and bonding rituals to change your bedroom into this space. You can have a box of goodies which you open up and arrange in the room after taking away all the everyday items. The bedroom should be free of clutter and you arrange a few drapes and set up your altar. Let the daily stuff can disappear into the box after you have taken out your special deco items for creating the sacred space in your bedroom.

Soft drapes, a candle, incense or another form of aroma (I find the small humidifiers that are not available in health shops really lovely for this and they purify the air as well as giving it a aroma of your choice). Have a couple of objects that have meaning to you and create a small altar with these. Perhaps some fresh flowers?whatever it is that you like.

It is not so much about creating a sexy atmosphere, but much more about creating a sacred atmosphere. This is a room for connecting with your deepest self, with each other and for worship. You worship each other, you worship the Universe, Existence, the Divine, God when you bond and make love with love, awe and reverence in your hearts. Create a space that supports you in this.

Weekly Relationship Yoga meetings
As mentioned earlier, going to bed time is time is not the best time for intimacy and bonding. We seem to think that sex is supposed to happen all the time. Three times a week is not enough for many of us ? yet, what about the quality of that sex? Nothing wrong with delightful quickies but when sex and intimacy get reduced to bed time all the time, it is no longer what it was when we were falling in love - long afternoons or mornings of being in each other?s company, bonding, holding, chatting, touching, loving and sharing sexuality.

So set aside one time per week which will become your Relationship Yoga time. Relationship Yoga is bonding, sharing intimacy, sharing physical, emotional and spiritual pleasure. If you have children, organize for them to be cared for. You need at least 2 hours undisturbed, 3 ? 4 hours is better. Ideally this should be the same time each week, very much in the same way as you would go to a yoga class in a yoga studio. Stick to it, it is worth it.

When it is time for your Relationship Yoga class, enter your sacred room and begin the process with a series of rituals. I teach a variety of these rituals in my private Couple?s Workshops and on weekend retreats. Welcome each other, bless each other, thank each other - not just generally, specifically. Then take turns to pleasure each other. This way the one who is relaxing can simply enjoy and is not responsible for anything. The other one is active and does not receive or expect anything in return. You let your sexual energy arise if it does, become a witness to it, as opposed to having to act on it or to satisfy it. You can take turns on the same occasion to be in the active role, I however prefer to rather have the change-over on different occasions. This way you can go totally into either the active giving role, or the passive receiving role.

I hope I have inspired you to take up this simple program. If you do, I?d love to hear from you. Let me know how it worked for you. If you?d like to learn more, contact me for a private Couple?s Workshop. Singles can book a Tantra Sacred Massage session.

My warmest greetings to you all,
Leandra

Source: http://leandrasjournal.blogspot.com/2012/03/relationship-business.html

online deals leap pad lauren alaina lowes best buy black friday frys ad a very gaga thanksgiving