Counselling and Therapy:The 'Nitty Gritty' of Life: Positive Attitude

Are you a pessimist or an optimist?
Depressed, pessimistic types tend to attribute any successes in their life to luck and and failures to something they personally did wrong.
Optimists on the other hand, take credit for positive outcomes and distance themselves from failure. They look at failure as a way to learn and move forward and they do not generalise the experience of failure by considering themselves to be failures. The action or task was not successful, but they are still capable and competent in their eyes.
This is a healthy attitude and can serve you very well. It will keep you motivated and happier.

Here are some tips to keeping a positive mental attitude:

1) Don't compare yourself to others. Look at what you need to achieve and focus on your own path. As long as you are improving on your 'past self' then you are doing well. Often, we compare our 'behind the scenes' footage to other people's 'highlight reel'. Remember that no one is immune from trouble, self doubt and fears. The only time that comparing is beneficial is when you consider others that are worse off than you, but this is still energy that is being diverted from you. Concentrate on your goals and figure out what you want..then go for it!

2) Challenge your thoughts. Don't believe everything you think. Never criticise yourself or talk down to yourself. If you have not performed well or have been disappointed in yourself in some way, be resolution focused about what can be changed. This is much more effective than chastising yourself. Speak to yourself as you would a best friend. Be kind.

3) Keep a gratitude diary. Every evening I think of things during the day that made me smile. Most mornings when I do the school run I see a lady and her dog playing in the park we drive past. The dog jumps and bounds about, looking so happy and it always puts a smile on my face. Focus on things that are going well, even something as small as the sun being out or a stranger smiling at you. Being aware of the good stuff helps keep your mind in a more positive frame. When we are primed positively, we automatically ?notice more of the positive events around us.

4) Connect with others. Bonding and connecting with others can be one of the greatest sources of pleasure. Chatting with a friend, discussing life with someone who completely gets your perspective or feeling accepted by another human being is life affirming. Reach out to others, don't isolate yourself indefinitely. Whether you are seeing friends and socialising or helping out in the community, that feeling of belonging can create good mental vibes!

5) Have goals and purpose. Make sure that you have a few long terms goals and some short term goals. It helps to feel that you are working towards something, a sense of purpose. This also takes the focus away from our inner chatter and gives us an external focus to immerse ourselves in. Every day, in some small way, try to contribute to those goals, whether it's saving money for a car or a holiday, studying or trying to lose weight...each step closer is a psychological boost.

6) Accept yourself. It is essential to like who you are. I know that I can certainly improve many things about myself but I still accept and work with who I am today. I remind myself regularly of my strengths and achievements and constantly work towards living a life that is true to who I am fundamentally. By that I mean, trusting my instincts and not being overly influenced by what others and society expect of me. Stand your ground and fight for what you believe in. Life has a habit of pulling us away from who we really are through the pressure to conform. Regularly make time for 'self checks', take stock of your progress, confirm that you are in alignment with your values and goals and check that you are feeling content.
Anger, frustration and bitterness are all signs that we are off target. If that is the case, it's time to re-assess!

M x

All names have been changed to protect the identity of clients. Personal client stories shared in this blog have been published with prior permission from the relevant clients.

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